This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
