Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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