dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Everclear isn't food dammit
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