why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
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