Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
