This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
