When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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