i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
