He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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