rhymes with "ouble enetration"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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