I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm getting married
To pizza
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
