i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
