please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Small penises have feelings too.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
