i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
