i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
