Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
