i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
