i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
