I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
