just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
