captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
