hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
