I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
