took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
