No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
