Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am one with the molecules
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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