Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
