When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
