and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
