I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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