So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
