tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
