So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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