you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
