I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
