Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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