I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
