I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
