Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
