"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
