Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
