If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
