Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
