a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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