Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
