He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
