Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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