I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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