I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
