So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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